Ok, so i love how weird i am...

Like how i tell people at work i like coffee cuz it makes me poop.

Normal people dont say stuff like that.

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It got me thinking... i never think good things about myself anymore.

I'm reading this book right now on covenant.

It said that entering into a covenant relationship with someone means you are going to love them more then you love yourself...

I havent loved myself in a while... which means i'm not giving vance all the love he deserves...

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9 days until the BIG day!

Vance and i are so excited. He sent me a text this morning... hes counting down the days with me =)

I cant wait for him to get home. Hes in chicago right now on a mission trip. He gets back saturday.

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I'm starting to get the jitters... i've lost 5 pounds this last week... i guess from not eating as much?

I'm not really sure what i've nervous about. Its not so much marrying vance, as it is the wedding day...

so much to do, and all these eyes on us... so many people i wont know, watching us in the most vulnerable moments our our lives...

plus, every girl wants to look beautiful, not step on her dress, pass out at the alter, or say the wrong words during her vows... its all the little stuff, and i know IT DOESNT MATTER,  but you can only say that and mean in after the fact...

but i am so excited! to just be with him. to love him. to take care of him, and him take care of me. to be one together... to call him my husband... my love... to be his wife...

sigh...

9 more days... and i will begin a whole new life...

awww, that sounds so perfect.

Ok, so i know all i talk about is that I'm getting married in 18 Days!

You did/will when you got/get married...

I just wish it would sink in... I feel like i'm floating around on this little cloud, watching everything happening, but feeling like its happening to someone else.

I'm getting married...............................................................

Still blank stares at the computer.

Please God, let me have a nervous breakdown before the day of the wedding!

Who knows, maybe i wont freak out at all (which would be incredibly uncharacteristic of me!)

I've waited my whole life to fall in love with the right person and marry them, and start a family with them...

and now its here, and it doesnt feel like its really happening!

18 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

still nothing.

Well, i'll let yall know when the break down does happen...

but for now, i'm blissful and in love and happy and calm and just excited! =)

OH LORD!

20 Days until i stand before hundreds of people and say I DO!

20 Days until I will forever be Mrs. Nicole Rene Garvey!

I'm starting to get butterflies.

I have a lot to do at work today, and then i need to get working on wedding stuff...

But i'm just kinda livin in a blur right now...

Its quiet here in the office.

All i can hear is the air conditioner, and my keypad as i type.

I wish i knew how to play the piano, because i would write my own songs.

I have an unofficial interview tomorrow at noon, with the lady at Tyler Womens Building about the events job.

Maybe this will be a new season for me. Maybe not. I'll just have to see how it goes.

It feels too quiet right now. Like the calm before the storm.

What i would really like to do is take a walk in the rain.

Or sit in a dark room and fiddle on the piano.

Maybe get lost in a forest.

Anything other then file notes and answer phones.

Exactly one month from today and I will be getting married.

I will become Nicole Rene Garvey.

deep breaths...

There is so much to feel in times like these.

I cannot wait for 5 to get here!

this weekend is going to be fun... lake, bbq, fireworks... spending some quality time with my hubby (soon to be).

Were meeting with our officiant and his wife(friends of vance's) tonight...

To figure out how we want our ceremony to go... vows, etc.

Vances mom and I went to the church yesterday to measure stuff, look around, etc... and she was so cute, she kept asking everyone is they wanted to meet her New Daughter =) she loves me... =)

I'm getting excited, but equally nervous about the big day... there are so many things to think about, and i have a controlling obsessive personality, so even little things stress me out....

I just cant wait to be married and on our cruise!